Experience has revealed to me that each individual is largely in control of his or her own destiny; sometimes, however, a certain amount of assistance is required to make this realization. This assistance can come in many forms, but for me it came as a high school counselor whose encouragement turned me from the havoc and wreckage of my childhood and towards a fulfilling life of independence, confidence, and eventual joy. As I have grown, I have realized the importance of empowering others, and feel that the study of law in the pursuit of justice is a distinguishable method of repaying the generous acts of those who have helped me.
As a child, any dreams I had for the future were overshadowed by the indiscretions of my physically and emotionally abusive mother. When I was five years old, I walked in on my mother, who was then married to my father, sleeping with another man. My mother dragged me by my hair into my room, and as she beat me for what I had seen, she promised much worse should I ever tell anyone. As my mother continued her campaign of adultery with a long chain of faceless men, I was forced to lie to my father, who offered the only modicum of stability in our home. I believed any threat she made to ensure her secrets were kept; my mother punished even innocent mistakes by beating me, telling me how “stupid” I was, or how she wished she’d never had me. Eventually my mother’s behavior drove my father from our lives. His absence cemented my mother’s ability to torment me without reprisal, even going so far as to use her degree in psychology to threaten me with being committed to a mental institution. My father’s departure from the house had marked the beginning of a downward spiral of our financial situation as well. Though my mother made an ample amount of money, she squandered it philandering with boyfriends. Our utilities were routinely shut off and our cars repossessed; we even eventually lost our childhood home.
With age, I was able to gain a clearer perspective of my mother’s actions. Throughout my childhood I had witnessed her using drugs and drinking heavily but was not able to clearly understand that what she was doing was wrong. As a teenager, my realization that she was abusing these substances did explain some of her behaviors; yet it did nothing to alleviate the constant fear, and feeling of utter helplessness, at what she would do next. The turmoil of my home life reached its height when one of my mother’s boyfriends, a man who had previously been jailed for fraud, moved in with us. For the next few years, I lived in fear of his temper and that he might act on his inappropriate comments. Living with us he reverted back to his criminal ways, and my mother joined him. Perhaps the most ironic of such an instance was when my mother convinced a group of investors to finance a foster home, which she would oversee, and stole a large portion of the investment. My mother’s fear of being caught cast a new shadow over our house. I was constantly warned never to tell anyone where we lived and to look out for those she feared would be coming after her. Though I logically knew that I wasn’t at fault, the fear of “being caught” hung heavy over my head.
The chaos that characterized my home life affected my life outside the house as well. In elementary school I had been in the “gifted and talented” classes and had enjoyed learning. However, my feelings of lethargy and apathy grew by the year, finally coming to a head in high school. My mother had so defeated my spirit that I no longer gave thought to going to college. My guidance counselor, Mr. Cummings, however, saw potential in me. Despite my reluctance, he pushed me to take the S.A.T., even going so far as to secure a fee waiver for me. When I received my scores, which were higher than I ever imagined, he encouraged me further. He called many schools to personally vouch for my potential, wrote recommendations for me, and set up interviews with admittance counselors. His support paid off and I was admitted to the University of California, Riverside. Mr. Lemons had helped me to rediscover my dreams and the belief that I could forge a new life for myself, and I was incredibly grateful for this gift.
My mother did not easily relinquish her control over me. As I neared high school graduation, her hostility toward me grew. Intent on destroying my self-confidence, she openly doubted that I would be able to succeed in college. One morning when I woke up, I discovered that she had sold my car, which was to be my transportation to school. Recognizing that this would be only the first of her attempts to sabotage my opportunity for an education, I decided to stand up for myself and assert my independence from my mother. I went to UCR and fought to be declared financially independent so that I could live on campus and finance my own education. Starting college I was not only beginning a new chapter of my life, but also cutting the ties to my past.
My years as an undergraduate represented a new challenge. Out on my own, I was learning for the first time how to navigate life as an independent adult, without the financial or emotional support of my family. I worked long hours to support myself while maintaining a schedule of rigorous study. Still, I welcomed these hardships in return for the benefits of college. The chaos of my previous life was replaced by the stability of hard work and study; and I was rewarded both with academic excellence and the sense that I was developing my mind, becoming sharper and more capable all the time. I also felt stronger each day in my ability to take care of myself, and to be the author of my own destiny. I believe my decision to major in Classics reflected how I chose to define myself in my new life. The subject required a strong analytical and logical mind, which I worked hard to further develop. My professors were more demanding than I had experienced in other disciplines; but the classes were so small that every action was afforded scrutiny, every neglected assignment noticed. This meant that success required not only hard work, but also diligence, responsibility, and enthusiasm. I enjoyed the opportunity to refine these characteristics in myself.
As my confidence developed, I began to consider studying law. In my senior year my professors further reinforced this confidence, as I was rewarded with several honors. The head of the department of Comparative Literature and Foreign Languages, a teacher I had great respect and admiration for, chose me to be his research assistant for a book he was writing. Another professor chose me to be his grading assistant, a job normally reserved for graduate students. In this capacity I was entrusted with grading other students’ work and handling the students’ evaluation of the professor. Finally, at an end-of-the-year party for Classics majors, the department heads awarded me with the unofficial “Greek Prize” for excellence in my studies. Accepting this reward, I reflected on how far I had come, the help of those that had allowed me to achieve so much, and the debt I owed as a result.
Presently I work as the assistant to the Chief Financial Officer at a non-profit organization. Here, observing lawyers engaging in pro-bono work has rekindled my interest in the study of law. Despite my accomplishments, I still remember my childhood feelings of frustration and helplessness, and would like to help others in the same situation. Having reflected on the complexity and inaccessibility of the rules that govern our lives, I believe that by gaining knowledge of these workings I will gain the means to empower others who face these feelings of impotence. Especially of concern to me are children, who are most vulnerable to feeling powerless and unrepresented; I believe that my life experiences have made me uniquely qualified to work with and be an advocate for them. I now look forward to the study of law, as it is a field worthy of the dedication and enthusiasm I will bring to it in the pursuit of returning a sense of empowerment and self determination to those who have lived through situations similar to my own.
As a child, any dreams I had for the future were overshadowed by the indiscretions of my physically and emotionally abusive mother. When I was five years old, I walked in on my mother, who was then married to my father, sleeping with another man. My mother dragged me by my hair into my room, and as she beat me for what I had seen, she promised much worse should I ever tell anyone. As my mother continued her campaign of adultery with a long chain of faceless men, I was forced to lie to my father, who offered the only modicum of stability in our home. I believed any threat she made to ensure her secrets were kept; my mother punished even innocent mistakes by beating me, telling me how “stupid” I was, or how she wished she’d never had me. Eventually my mother’s behavior drove my father from our lives. His absence cemented my mother’s ability to torment me without reprisal, even going so far as to use her degree in psychology to threaten me with being committed to a mental institution. My father’s departure from the house had marked the beginning of a downward spiral of our financial situation as well. Though my mother made an ample amount of money, she squandered it philandering with boyfriends. Our utilities were routinely shut off and our cars repossessed; we even eventually lost our childhood home.
With age, I was able to gain a clearer perspective of my mother’s actions. Throughout my childhood I had witnessed her using drugs and drinking heavily but was not able to clearly understand that what she was doing was wrong. As a teenager, my realization that she was abusing these substances did explain some of her behaviors; yet it did nothing to alleviate the constant fear, and feeling of utter helplessness, at what she would do next. The turmoil of my home life reached its height when one of my mother’s boyfriends, a man who had previously been jailed for fraud, moved in with us. For the next few years, I lived in fear of his temper and that he might act on his inappropriate comments. Living with us he reverted back to his criminal ways, and my mother joined him. Perhaps the most ironic of such an instance was when my mother convinced a group of investors to finance a foster home, which she would oversee, and stole a large portion of the investment. My mother’s fear of being caught cast a new shadow over our house. I was constantly warned never to tell anyone where we lived and to look out for those she feared would be coming after her. Though I logically knew that I wasn’t at fault, the fear of “being caught” hung heavy over my head.
The chaos that characterized my home life affected my life outside the house as well. In elementary school I had been in the “gifted and talented” classes and had enjoyed learning. However, my feelings of lethargy and apathy grew by the year, finally coming to a head in high school. My mother had so defeated my spirit that I no longer gave thought to going to college. My guidance counselor, Mr. Cummings, however, saw potential in me. Despite my reluctance, he pushed me to take the S.A.T., even going so far as to secure a fee waiver for me. When I received my scores, which were higher than I ever imagined, he encouraged me further. He called many schools to personally vouch for my potential, wrote recommendations for me, and set up interviews with admittance counselors. His support paid off and I was admitted to the University of California, Riverside. Mr. Lemons had helped me to rediscover my dreams and the belief that I could forge a new life for myself, and I was incredibly grateful for this gift.
My mother did not easily relinquish her control over me. As I neared high school graduation, her hostility toward me grew. Intent on destroying my self-confidence, she openly doubted that I would be able to succeed in college. One morning when I woke up, I discovered that she had sold my car, which was to be my transportation to school. Recognizing that this would be only the first of her attempts to sabotage my opportunity for an education, I decided to stand up for myself and assert my independence from my mother. I went to UCR and fought to be declared financially independent so that I could live on campus and finance my own education. Starting college I was not only beginning a new chapter of my life, but also cutting the ties to my past.
My years as an undergraduate represented a new challenge. Out on my own, I was learning for the first time how to navigate life as an independent adult, without the financial or emotional support of my family. I worked long hours to support myself while maintaining a schedule of rigorous study. Still, I welcomed these hardships in return for the benefits of college. The chaos of my previous life was replaced by the stability of hard work and study; and I was rewarded both with academic excellence and the sense that I was developing my mind, becoming sharper and more capable all the time. I also felt stronger each day in my ability to take care of myself, and to be the author of my own destiny. I believe my decision to major in Classics reflected how I chose to define myself in my new life. The subject required a strong analytical and logical mind, which I worked hard to further develop. My professors were more demanding than I had experienced in other disciplines; but the classes were so small that every action was afforded scrutiny, every neglected assignment noticed. This meant that success required not only hard work, but also diligence, responsibility, and enthusiasm. I enjoyed the opportunity to refine these characteristics in myself.
As my confidence developed, I began to consider studying law. In my senior year my professors further reinforced this confidence, as I was rewarded with several honors. The head of the department of Comparative Literature and Foreign Languages, a teacher I had great respect and admiration for, chose me to be his research assistant for a book he was writing. Another professor chose me to be his grading assistant, a job normally reserved for graduate students. In this capacity I was entrusted with grading other students’ work and handling the students’ evaluation of the professor. Finally, at an end-of-the-year party for Classics majors, the department heads awarded me with the unofficial “Greek Prize” for excellence in my studies. Accepting this reward, I reflected on how far I had come, the help of those that had allowed me to achieve so much, and the debt I owed as a result.
Presently I work as the assistant to the Chief Financial Officer at a non-profit organization. Here, observing lawyers engaging in pro-bono work has rekindled my interest in the study of law. Despite my accomplishments, I still remember my childhood feelings of frustration and helplessness, and would like to help others in the same situation. Having reflected on the complexity and inaccessibility of the rules that govern our lives, I believe that by gaining knowledge of these workings I will gain the means to empower others who face these feelings of impotence. Especially of concern to me are children, who are most vulnerable to feeling powerless and unrepresented; I believe that my life experiences have made me uniquely qualified to work with and be an advocate for them. I now look forward to the study of law, as it is a field worthy of the dedication and enthusiasm I will bring to it in the pursuit of returning a sense of empowerment and self determination to those who have lived through situations similar to my own.
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